2005 EWC Olympics Soccer Competition

I recently served as coordinator/referee for the soccer competition portion of the newly revived East-West Center Olympics. This is basically a recap of how things went down (in the form of e-mails I sent to the EWC listserv about the competition), with only slight embellishment for effect.

Day 1

Hello fellow footballers,

The football/soccer tournament will take place tomorrow. It will begin at 2 PM, and it will go until everyone is passed out on the ground from exhaustion. Or until Wilmar scores a goal…

Six teams have registered with me. It looks like the rules are up to me, so here is what I suggest:

• Form 2 brackets, with 3 teams in each bracket
• In the first round, each team plays the other two teams in its bracket 1 time (total of two games per team)
• Points: Win = 3, Tie=1, Loss=0
• The team with the most points in its bracket will advance to the championship game
• In the case that two teams in the same bracket have the same number of points, we will decide by Goals For/Goals Against ratio
• In the case two teams STILL have the same GF/GA ratio, I will allow the team that gives me the most money advance, or use some other equally fair method of deciding
• If time/daylight remains after the Championship Game, we can have a 3rd place match between the #2 team from each bracket
• Games will be 30 minutes TOTAL, with a VERY SHORT break in the middle for halftime (so basically 15 minute halves)
• Unless somebody else volunteers, I will be your referee. I will bring my yellow and red cards. Don’t worry, the only person I will actually give these to in the game is Wilmar. As we all know, he’s a very violent person

Ok, I know this means that not all of the teams will get to play against each other, but seeing as how we only have one field and one set of goals and one afternoon to do all of this in, I don’t see any other way to do it. If anyone has any suggestions, comments, recommendations, feel free to e-mail. If any of you think I did a really bad job of setting this up and you want to complain, please feel free to e-mail somebody else. So without further ado, here is the list of teams:

Andy Lambert would also like to play, but hasn’t got a team at the moment. He is from England, which automatically qualifies him as a good player, so I recommend one of you teams with less players pick him up. His e-mail is lamberta@hawaii.edu, or you can reach him at 944-6258 (sorry about giving out your phone number to everyone Andy… if Wilmar calls you and asks you if he can visit your room, please politely refuse).

Anybody else not already on a team is welcome to come out tomorrow at 2pm and see if there are any teams short of players or needing substitute players.

Ok, I think this will be a lot of fun, even though I have to ref all the games. Everybody please show up at 2pm tomorrow and I will announce the order of the games then. Get a good night’s sleep, and don’t forget to eat your Wheaties in the morning.

Your fearless referee,

Jay

P.S. – Just joking Wilmar…

Day 2

Hey all you soccer players and fans,

Thank you for all your hard playing and cheering the past two days. We have had some amazing turnouts to the games, and some very hard play from all. I’m very pleased at how well this has been going. Unfortunately, everyone seems to be too tired to play tomorrow, so I’ve made the decision to announce the end of the tournament and make my team, Solowesi (formerly known as Wilmar’s Wankers), the official champion.

YAY! CONGRATULATIONS SOLOWESI! YOU ARE #1!

Isn’t it wonderful being the coordinator of a soccer tournament!

Ok, actually that was Wilmar’s idea to give the championship to his own team, but I explained that some other people might be upset because that isn’t very fair. After he wiped away a few tears, he agreed and we decided to finish the tournament a little more fairly tomorrow. So here is what will happen.

At 2pm, the Solowesi and Wantok teams will face off in the final game of the first round of the tournament. The winner of this game will advance to the semi-finals, but if the game ends in a tie, then the team ‘We’re Asian, Too’ will advance instead. If you don’t understand how this works, then feel free to come out tomorrow and look at the chart Wilmar was nice enough to make.

After this first game finishes, we will begin the semi-finals. In the first game, the #1 seed KW Mako FC will play #3 seed East Timor (also known as Carlos’ Sexy Studs). After that game, #2 seed Transcontinental will play the winner of the Solowesi/Wantok game. The two winners of the semi-finals games will advance to the finals. The final game will be 20 minute halves (assuming everyone can still run that long!). We will take a 30-45 minute break after the semi-finals to let the players rest up for the finals. I expect the final game to start around 4:30 or so.

In the case of a tie, I recommend we go directly into PKs (I think players will be too tired for overtime). Wilmar has volunteered to stand up against the wall of the Kennedy Theatre and act as a target. All you have to do to ‘score’ a PK is hit him with the ball from 20 feet away. If you make him cry, you get an extra point. Ok, actually Wilmar suggested that idea, but I told him it might violate some human rights laws, so we decided to do more traditional PKs. The PKs will be just like the ones we’ve been using in the games the past two days. Five players from each team will have to kick the ball from just past midfield into an empty goal (no goalkeeper). The team with the most goals wins. If teams are tied after five players kicking, the kicking order starts over and goes into sudden death (meaning the first team to score when the other team doesn’t wins). Make sense? If it’s too complicated, we can just let Wilmar stand up against the wall…

One important note. Several teams used players from other teams very liberally during the tournament, and I got some complaints about this. I understand that people are tired or hurt and don’t have enough players for subs. I ask that you do your best to get all of your original team out tomorrow, and if you can’t field a full team, then please try your best to limit outside players to ONE! If this is not possible, then please come talk to me tomorrow before your game starts.

Ok, see everybody at 2pm tomorrow. I highly recommend the entire EWC community to come out and cheer on your favorite team (Solowesi). Also, I hear that the referee is really exciting to watch. So come out early and get your front row seat, because they are gonna go fast!

Your humble soccer organizer,

Jay

P.S. – just joking Wilmar… except the part about standing against the wall…

Day 3

Well folks,

It’s been three long, hot days out on the patch of grass and dirt next to Kennedy Theatre that would never be mistaken for a soccer field. But a soccer field it was, and for the past three days it was home to one of the most intense soccer tournaments the EWC has ever known. A total of seven teams competed for the title of ‘Super Soccer Studs 2005’, a title that would give them bragging rights around the EWC community until next year’s EWCPA Olympics. Obviously a lot was at stake. Every team came out hard, leaving behind their blood, sweat, and a few teeth on the field. Actually, I think there are still a few bodies lying out there.

Four teams advanced to the semifinals today. Both semifinal games were well fought, and East Timor and Wantok emerged as the winners that would face off in the finals. Wilmar was disappointed that neither semifinal game ended in a tie, however, because he spent most of the games pressed up against the wall of Kennedy Theatre practicing for the PKs he hoped would ensue.

The final match got underway around 5:30pm. Both teams were exhausted, but you could see from the aggressiveness in their play and the determination in their eyes that they would stop at nothing to be the ‘Super Soccer Studs 2005’. The fans cheered on both sides, and it helped, because by halftime three goals had been scored, with East Timor leading 2-1.

But Wantok wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. I overheard Williams giving a rousing halftime speech to his team. He told them that ever since he was a little boy, he had always dreamed of someday being called a Super Soccer Stud, but somehow, this dream had always eluded him. He told his teammates that “now is the time for all of us to stand up as a team and be recognized by the world as true Super Soccer Studs”. Ronnie and Manu wiped tears from their eyes as they took the field for the second half.

Both teams continued to play intensely in the second half. Wantok scored a goal early to tie the game up at 2-2. The rest of the half there were numerous opporunities, but for 10 long minutes neither side was able to score. I noticed several times during these 10 minutes that Wilmar was pressed up against the wall of Kennedy Theatre with a look of pure ecstacy on his face, certain that the game would end in a tie and that both teams would soon be kicking balls at him for the PK shootout.

Wantok took several good shots on goal, but (Roberto) Carlos was on fire in the goal. Just when it looked as if Wilmar’s wishes might come true, however, Wantok scored their third and final goal. East Timor, led by their top scorers Jose and Brahim the “Tunisian Tornado”, tried their best to equalize, but time ran out and Wantok won the game 3-2. Players from both sides clapped and cheered along with the fans, and handshakes and hugs were freely exchanged. It seems the only person not happy with the final result was poor Wilmar, still pressed helplessly against the wall hoping that someone might kick the ball at him.

I think anybody who participated in the soccer games or came out to watch would agree that the tournament was a huge success. I’ve heard that the other events were equally as exciting, and I think we should all thank and congratulate Lucas on doing such a great job organizing the EWCPA Olympics. It’s one of the funnest events I’ve been involved with here at the EWC, and I hope that it will continue for many years to come!

Congratulations to Wantok for becoming the ‘Super Soccer Studs 2005’.

Everybody have a great spring break, and use this week to recover from all your soccer injuries!

Jay

P.S. – Wilmar, you know I love you man…